Mental Notes
by Misaia
Summary: Tony and Clint decide to take the boys to a strip club for a boys' night out; unfortunately, Steve, the perpetual virgin, is clueless as to what to do, Bruce begs off to watch some sappy romcom, and Thor...well, Thor has no idea why there aren't any snakes in a place called "Venom." When he returns to Midgard to tell his brother about the strange things Midgardians do for fun.


Crosspost from AO3, shameless Thor/Loki PWP, with stripping.

Written to: Shake It - Metro Station

Enjoy.  
Misaya

* * *

Thor has concluded that this is the worst Midgardian form of entertainment the man of iron has decided to introduce him to. Steve looks the same way as Thor feels, a thick blush crawling across his face as a girl outfitted in barely more than a scrap of satin curls sinuously across his lap. Sif would never be caught dancing in such a provocative manner, Thor thinks to himself, and his mother would be absolutely scandalized if she were to learn of her son's doings on Midgard. Idunn's apples would probably rot with shame, and other various females in the royal Asgardian court would most likely shout angrily at him about how he, as the bearer of Odin's name, should have stopped these preposterous shenanigans immediately. He shakes his head to clear his thoughts, and looks over at Steve, who throws him back a terrified, helpless stare.

Tony and Clint, on the other hand, look positively overjoyed and are tossing back shots of alcohol and laughing and shouting directives to the girls in their laps, who comply readily, twisting their bodies in time to the pounding bass of the music. Thor briefly wonders if Miss Potts knows Tony enjoys partaking in this sort of entertainment, and if she ever gets angry with him about it. As the song ends, the girls simultaneously lift themselves off of Tony and Clint's laps and bow graciously as the men press folded green paper into the tops of their undergarments. Thor is horrified by this, and makes a mental note for the future to vigorously scrub his hands after handling Midgardian currency. Bruce had declined this "boys' night out," as Tony so called it, saying he would prefer to stay inside and watch a peaceful movie, and privately, Thor can't help but wonder if the scientist had been on to something.

Tony and Clint forlornly watch the girls traipse away before turning back to Thor and Steve, who is still eyeing the girl in his lap as if fearing she would spontaneously combust. They laugh uproariously and stuff more money into the back of the girl's pink silk panties, and Thor for the life of him can't see why they find this entertaining.

Perhaps, he thinks as he looks at his empty shotglass, it would help if Midgardian alcohol actually could affect him properly.

Later, as Tony and Clint are manhandled out of the club by two very displeased looking, stocky gentlemen, Thor grins as he watches them stumble around and hang onto nearby lampposts, trees, cars, anything they can reach. He begs off, saying he has some fancy Asgardian political matters to attend to, leaving Steve glaring at him with some sort of newfound hatred as Tony and Clint find his solid body worthy of support and cling onto him, giggling like little children the whole while.

Thor smiles fondly at his teammates before the Bifrost wraps around him and swirls him upwards, and, not for the first time that night, thinks how he must definitely tell Loki about this.

* * *

"Loki!" he cries out as he bursts into Loki's chambers. His brother is reclining in an armchair by an emerald fire, and he looks up at Thor with a sigh that indicates that he finds Thor nothing short of insufferable.

"What is it now?" Loki asks, sighing as he closes the book and puts it on a table beside him. The entrance of Thor meant no more reading would be done tonight.

"I must tell you about this strange thing Midgardians enjoy doing for fun," Thor says, shrugging out of his civilian clothing and letting it fall in a disorganised heap on Loki's floor. Loki rolls his eyes and lazily waves one hand, causing the clothes to fold themselves neatly and settle onto a dresser in the corner. It was one of those nights, clearly, and he mentally makes a note that he will have to wake up early to change the sheets this time. The last time the maids had discovered it had not been pretty, and he'd been roughly poked and prodded for many hours in the healing ward to discover the source of the wound, much to his great displeasure.

Thor settles himself into an armchair beside him, wearing only a pair of boxers, and Loki turns to look at him.

"Well, go on, we don't have all night," Loki prods.

"On the contrary, brother," Thor says, smiling at him, and Loki kind of wants to tell him that he would much prefer not staying up til the wee hours of the morning this time, but Thor begins talking and there isn't much point in interrupting him now.

"The Man of Iron took Hawkeye, Steven, and myself to this place called Venom," Thor says, looking excited as he tells his story. "Of course, there was no venom there, nor any snakes for that matter, even though the Man of Iron had assured me there would be great, beautiful snakes there for my viewing pleasure." Thor puzzles for a moment over this, while Loki makes another mental note to explain to Thor the subtleties of Midgardian innuendo.

"Instead there were many women there. Beautiful, to be sure, but not wearing very many clothes. Anthony called a few of them over and handed them some currency, and they proceeded to settle themselves on our laps and rub their ample bosoms over our chests," Thor continues. Loki's vision flashes red for a moment, and he wonders if it might be possible for said women to tragically befall some horrible accident. Something involving a rampaging bear might be nice, he thinks idly, but that had caused too great of a scene last time.

"Loki, are you listening?" Thor asks, placing a large hand on his knee and shaking him. Loki frowns at him before motioning for him to continue.

"Anthony and Clint seemed to be enjoying themselves rather greatly, but it would appear Steven has no prior experience of such things and instead looked rather mortified," Thor says, laughing a little. Loki admires the strong lines of Thor's throat, and thinks that perhaps a slow death might be better.

"And you?" Loki asks. "Did you enjoy it?"

Thor snorts. "They were beautiful women, of course, but I do not particularly understand the appeal of dancing so oddly to such horrendous music, all drums and no melody. The beverages are not strong, either, although Clint assured me that by Midgardian standards they were very strong. And I am rather disappointed that Anthony had told me there would be snakes and there were none. I was hoping to bring one home for you, since I know you love exotic creatures." Thor pouts a little, and Loki breaks out into a smile.

He reaches out and pats Thor's bare knee. "If you'll excuse me," he says, standing up. "I have a few matters to attend to."

Thor looks up at him, confused. "I wished to lie with you tonight," he says, as if Loki hadn't understood that from the very first moment Thor had burst into the room.

"I am well aware of that," Loki says, nodding. "I will not be gone for long, I swear it."

Thor stands up as well, reaches out for Loki's hand, and brushes soft kisses across the knuckles. "I eagerly await your return," he says, smiling.

Loki lets another smile blossom across his mouth as he turns away from Thor to walk towards his bath, and thinks that perhaps he can spare the Midgardian 'snake-women' for today, at least.

* * *

As he magicks articles of clothing to compliment his new form, Loki vaguely wonders why some Midgardian women desire to make these sacks of fat larger. They aren't particularly useful and make movement odd.

And then there are these constricting things that are supposed to hold them up. Loki frowns at his reflection in the mirror as he twists his arms around his back, struggling to clasp the brassiere together.

He glares silently at his new chest for a moment before giving up and making the cups of the fabric a tiny bit bigger.

* * *

When he re-enters the room, Thor is reclining on his bed, worrying the covers idly in his fingers. He hasn't heard Loki come back, and Loki grins as he stealthily, silently moves towards the bed. Thor doesn't notice him until Loki is practically on top of him, and Loki wonders, not for the first time, how his brother has managed to survive countless battles without getting his head chopped off.

"Loki!" his brother says in delight. "I was beginning to worry you had -"

And then Thor's sentence catches in his throat as he finally, finally takes a good look.

"I - you - but - you are a woman," Thor says, staring at his newly formed breasts with awe. Loki rolls his eyes, and pushes a strand of long black hair behind his ear.  
"It would appear that I am, yes."  
"But why?"

Loki smirks as he sits back, delighted to feel the stirring of Thor's erection between his thighs.

"Let me show you why Midgardians find it so fascinating," he says with a devious smile. "Here, sit up a bit." He presses against Thor's shoulder until Thor's back is straight against the headboard, guides Thor's large hands to the curves of his new waist.

"I believe in Midgard we were not allowed to touch," Thor says, and Loki sighs with exasperation before brushing Thor's hands off him and pushing them into the silky sheets underneath.

"Keep them there, then," Loki says, and Thor nods in agreement. "No ale," he adds as an afterthought. "The cooks are not particularly willing to fetch provisions for us in the middle of the night anymore, not after that incident with your idea involving sexual relations with dairy products." Thor has the grace to look ashamed of himself, and Loki is reminded of how the smell of yoghurt wouldn't wash out of his coat for three days.

He shakes his head, causing his hair to dance around his face in blue-black strands, and he watches as Thor's eyes follow the curves of his breasts as they jiggle in time.

He leans over Thor to tap his fingers on the nightstand by the bed, and as tolerably loud, drum-heavy music spills into the room, Loki is pleased to observe Thor's heartbeat quickening.

* * *

Loki sways rhythmically in time to the music, running his hands over his pale skin, over the deep green scraps of silk that just barely cover his generous breasts, gliding fingers along the dips of his waist. Sometimes he runs his hands through his long hair, and that only makes his chest bounce up and down slightly, and Thor clutches his hands into the sheets, wanting desperately to touch.

Loki grinds down into Thor's crotch, and grins when he feels his length hard and wanting, straining against the confines of his boxers. Loki leans forward, pressing his chest against Thor's, and presses a kiss to his brother's jaw.

"Someone's excited," he murmurs, and Thor nods eagerly.

"Yes," Thor says, and he is not proud of how breathless his voice is. "Now I can see why Anthony and Clint were so excited by this pastime." He watches Loki dance and sway on his lap for a few more minutes, before he lifts his hands from the sheets. "However, I would wish to progress to something else now."

Loki frowns and draws back from him, pushing his hands back down. "No touching." And then, as if to appease him, Loki leans forward again and says, "But you'll get what you desire soon enough; I too wish it."

* * *

Loki commands him to lift his hips up a few short moments later, and he does so obligingly, allowing Loki to slip his boxers off. He sighs with relief as his erection bobs up, no longer restricted by the elastic waistband. As he is about to ask Loki how this will work, Loki slips off the silk panties one creamy thigh at a time, and he finds himself staring at the junction of Loki's thighs, where there should definitely be a cock but instead there are only soft folds of rosy skin.

"You have -" Thor trails off, unable to drag his eyes away from the skin, which looks like it is slightly damp.

"A vagina, yes," Loki says, unceremoniously tossing his underwear off the side of the bed. "I am informed from a very practiced source that this is the organ that females possess for which to copulate with."

Thor ignores the jibe at him and continues to stare.

"Look at me," Loki commands, and Thor forces his eyes away to meet Loki's green ones just as Loki positions himself with spread legs over Thor and sinks himself down.

It is different from the many times he has taken Loki in the past, yet wildly the same. Loki is tight, clutching around him like a well-made glove, but it is not the same grasping tightness as before. It is wetter, softer, an easier slide, and Thor finds himself struggling not to arch up into the moist heat. When Loki finally settles himself at the base of Thor's cock, Thor once again finds himself reaching to hold Loki's waist.

Loki only grins mischievously at him. "Ah, ah, ah," he says simply. "No touching."

And shoves Thor's hands back down as he sets a brutal pace, lifting up and grinding down, quick rock up, slow drag down, and, for the first time in all their previous lovemaking sessions, Thor finds himself unable to breathe properly as he watches his brother, his gorgeous, dear, sweet lovely female of a brother take him in quick deep thrusts.

"Loki," he breathes in awe, watching every sinuous twist of his hips, following the path of every shudder that rocks its way through his lithe body, staring unabashedly at the way Loki's breasts jiggle in their confines.

He feels himself reaching his peak all too quickly, and has to curl his hands even tighter into the sheets.

"Wait," Loki sobs, and Thor has to struggle not to come just from looking at Loki's face, his eyes closed in desperation, sweat slicking over his skin, his lips and cheeks rosy and flushed. "It's not enough," he whimpers, grinding forwards onto Thor's cock, his hands splayed over Thor's chest as he rides him furiously.

Thor sits up, and Loki's little game be damned, reaches around his brother to unhook the clasp of the brassiere. He tosses the offending fabric over the side of the bed to join its counterparts, and places his hands over the newly revealed mounds of flesh, reveling in the choked cry Loki makes as he massages the rosy nipples, rubbing them between his thumbs and forefingers.

Loki has relocated his hands to Thor's shoulders, and he moves as though he is possessed, rocking down roughly, harshly, and Thor wants to laugh at his wantonness except he's too dangerously close for that and he wants Loki to come also.

He reaches down between them with one hand, the other still rubbing at a nipple, and gently slides his thumb through soft, burning heat, massaging over a stiff nub that he finds encased in the folds. Loki tenses against him before shuddering roughly and pressing a sob into the crook of Thor's neck. As he massages it with rough, counterclockwise circles, Thor can feel Loki's inner walls trembling roughly, rhythmically, clutching down around him, and he bites a kiss into Loki's pale neck as he comes in time with his brother.

* * *

Loki rolls off him moments later, pushing long, sweaty bangs back from his face.

"I could get pregnant like this, you know," he says accusingly at Thor, but Thor only smiles lazily at him as he draws him down under the covers, pressing soft kisses into Loki's skin.

"Do you wish to be pregnant?" he asks, combing a hand through Loki's hair as he nuzzles his neck. "We would have beautiful children. Golden haired and green eyed."

Loki snorts and makes another mental note to instruct Thor on how genetics work.

* * *

Note: About genetics, while hair is a trait controlled by many genes, darker hair is still generally more dominant than lighter hair and so will be more likely to be passed on.


End file.
